"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
09/28/2014 at 21:17 • Filed to: abuse, physical abuse, opponaut in serious trouble, trouble, oppositelock, opposite lock
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"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
09/28/2014 at 21:17 • Filed to: abuse, physical abuse, opponaut in serious trouble, trouble, oppositelock, opposite lock | 1
| 15 |
Long story short, I just got the shit beat out of me by my own mom. The long story (hopefully I can finish it before things get too bad): I mentioned briefly how abusive my parents (particularly my mom) can be !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Well, I was watching a political commercial with my dad and we were just casually yucking it up. Then my mom warned me to don't talk like that outside, particularly when I become a teacher. A bit of background on that - my dad had recently said something to a female co-worker and it's resulted in him electing to choose early retirement in just over a month. That's something I normally wouldn't bother to share publicly, but seeing as how it's doubtful I'm going to continue to be a member of this family for much longer, that seems small now. So I cut my mom off and I told her, "yes mom, I know, I'm not stupid!" Maybe it came off as a very jerkass tone, but I wasn't trying to be particularly snippy, think the "Zits" comic strip. I mean, I guess it was disrespectful, but I was trying to be playful and let her know that I know better than to make the same dumb mistake my dad did. I suppose in a normal family (well, in a normal family my dad wouldn't have said something so stupid to get him terminated from his job in the first place) there might've been some playful banter back, or at least my mom demanding more respect but in a not overly angry tone, and that'd be it and we'd be continuing with our evening as normal. But instead my mom started mocking me for being a "genius" in a very hurtful and insulting tone - something she does very frequently. It was very hurtful, and I started flipping her off and cursing her under my breath but that still would've been the end of it, it would've been just business as usual in my household. So I'm in the other room browsing Oppo when I hear her go on and on about how ungrateful I am and continuing to mock me in a very hurtful tone. And then I just simply lost my cool.
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I suppose the smart thing would've been to just go outside and walk it off like my dad told me. But I was feeling really hurt and my emotions ran high, so I went out and told my mom that the reason why my married brother prefers his wife over her (our mom) is because he didn't like her anymore. Well, that got my mom screaming and yelling about my brother and I went back to browsing Oppo and watching movies, and then she started screaming about me and that I'm just as ungrateful of a son as my brother. Well, my emotions started to run even higher so I was yelling back at her and telling her that there's a specific reason why he doesn't like her - because she's an abusive and awful woman who demands that everybody treat her however she likes while she's screaming and yelling at them and that she's completely selfish who expects everybody to cater to her needs and whims first (well not in those words). Then there was more yelling and screaming, and then I started to really let go - I told her she's an awful fucking bitch, that she's a whore, and that she needs to go back to Asia because I'm tired of her abuse.
Yes, these are awful words to say, especially to one's own mom, but like I said, emotions were running high. I'm tired of feeling like she has the right to belittle me whenever she feels like and I can only sit there and take it. So fine. I told her that I'm sick and tired of it and I started dishing out her own medicine.
Well there was more screaming and yelling and she started goading me into actually trying to fight her and saying that's we're going to fight to the death now (yes, she really is this goddamn fucking batshit crazy). I told her that I'll show her a thing or two and started running upstairs as if I were trying to grab an improvised weapon or something, but thought better of it and went back downstairs. My mom started goading me again to try to fight her and then she took a duster and started attacking me with it.
Yeah, a duster. She ended up tearing off a fingernail, bruising another and gave me a few good bruises on my shoulder with it:
Sorry for the crappy lighting, it was the best I can do to show the bruise. Yeah, I know a torn fingernail and a bruised fingernail is about as minor as it gets, but it doesn't feel minor to me right now.
Anyway, I told her that she needs to stop and that I'm going to get my phone and record it and that she's going to go to jail for it, so then she started blocking my way so I couldn't reach my phone. After a few minutes of that nonsense I was able to escape and then my dad told me I might want to just take a walk (after berating me for calling my mom a bitch).
While I was walking I found a local county sheriff in his home. I asked him what I should do and he said I should call the police. Honestly I don't know if I should do that or not. I asked him if I would be allowed to seek refuge in his house for future reference. He told me no, and then told me to get off his porch, so I did.
Anyway I came back home and well you can imagine the situation isn't fun. She's still berating me for threatening to call the cops on her and telling me I need to move out even as I write this. I also heard her and my dad wonder - I'm completely serious about this - where I got the notion that I should call the police, and started blaming the school system and society for teaching children that they should call the police if they think their parents abuse them (I've covered some of the batshit beliefs and opinions of my parents in the previously linked post). This wasn't the first time she's done something like this too - several years ago she tried to goad me into fighting with her too, even demanding that I take a knife and try to stab her, after I cussed her out in frustration.
Well, that's pretty much up to date on the current situation. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm posting this partially so I can ask you guys, and partially so I can have a record of what's going on in case it comes to that (including the photos above). And you know, I think it's just gotten to the point where living with them isn't sustainable anymore, so, uh, I might need a place to crash, too.
Nibby
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:27 |
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Talk to your brother about what happened and ask him if you can stay for a lil' bit. Sorry man.
Conan
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:28 |
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That seems like some heavy stuff man. Teaching isn't at all easy even when you're in it and certainly pushes at my sanity sometimes all by itself. Teaching in Detroit isn't likely to be any easier than I have it, much harder even. I think you probably need to be talking to somebody in general about everything that's going on with you and you probably want to consider filling out a FAFSA this year and nab a bunch of loans so you can go to school and get out of there (the house). It might be a really dumb financial decision but it seems like escape is in order. You're not involved with anybody which is probably a good thing right now. When you notch that degree, which I know you can do once out of this madness, go to a head hunting firm or something like https://www.teachers-teachers.com/ and get the heck out of the area.
Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:29 |
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Damn man. Get of there if you got somewhere else you can shack up for a while. Make some phone calls and such. Hell I'd skip town big time.
Sorry this is a thing for you. I'm assuming your near detroit somewhere from your name. I'd seriously offer you a room, I'm in Maryland though.
bob and john
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:32 |
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I cant really say anything too incrimiating here, can you add me on facebook? (same name as here) we can have a bit of a discussion about whats happening and what you can'should'shouldnt do...
yamahog
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:40 |
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Ahhh that is so awful! :( You are a good kid and no one should have to deal with that at home. If your mother is being abusive (not to mention refusing to house you if you are under 18), please get police involved as soon as you can, at least to make a report to establish her pattern. Should she keep escalating, the prior incidents and timelines will help your case. I know what it's like living with abusive family members and they will not get better without outside intervention as abusers do not respect their victims enough to listen to you or to treat you as you deserve to be treated. There should also be child abuse and domestic violence hotlines for your area that can help you get the resources you need. Please stay safe and you know we're all here if you need anything.
tc_corty
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:42 |
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hahaha so many parallels of my mum. When she goes into these crazy rants, just stay quiet or use minimal amount of words back. Cause no matter what you say, if they consider its back chat you're fucked. That's how I managed, then try you're damdest to get outta there, Then fuck 'em off for while. You can still love somebody without liking them.
There's a joke with my mates that my mum has a secret wall full of post it notes to give her ammo when she looses the plot at me. Try and think of it in that light and they won't get to you as much. It'll become funny stories. If you get upset she's won. Perhaps there's a grain of truth in what she says, gain some personal development out of it hahah. You'll be on your own soon and it'll just be a distant memory.
Chin up man.
"No man is more unhappy that he who faces not adversity, for he never has a chance to prove himself"
"Opposition is what we want and must have, to be good for anything. Hardship is the native soil for of manhood and self-reliance."
mcseanerson
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:44 |
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Having a rough relationship like that really sucks and my first advice is to get away. Maybe not permanently because just as high as your emotions were running your moms were probably running pretty high too. Not excusing what she did but to give you a perspective where parents are coming from, especially mothers, I'm going to tell you a bit from the parents perspective.
To start with your mom carried you inside her for 9 months and your health and safety was her health and safety. Most mom's eat most healthy and live most carefully while pregnant. You said your dad just lost his job for something you were doing which is something she's probably sensitive about right now. The family income is their ability to provide a safe home for you. You said she went batshit, which I don't doubt, but aside from the physical abuse sounds a bit like you gave as good as you got. I never cussed out my parents and they typically never cussed me out. The walk probably would've solved a lot of the problems you're dealing with.
Both my parents spanked me (And let me set the record straight right here on my views, spankings are not abuse no matter how much deadspin may try to convince me they are.) But only my mom was ever physically abusive when she slapped me one time and it hurt a lot more as an act of betrayal of trust than anything physically. Still I know she did it because she was upset and even though I was just trying to be honest with her I can get why it would push her over the edge like that.
Now I am not judging you or saying your parents are not in the wrong. I don't know your situation and nobody would ever know 100% but your kids make your emotions run high because you care for them and you want the best for them and a lot of times it feels like your kids are working against everything you try to provide for them.
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mcseanerson
> tc_corty
09/28/2014 at 21:51 |
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Yeah if you got truly crazy family than some distance will do you good. I live in Ohio and all mine lives in Florida and I love them all but when I visit if I'm there for a week I feel like I'm going to lose my mind by the end of the week.
JGrabowMSt
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/28/2014 at 21:57 |
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Being in CO, there isnt much I can physically do. Out of experience, you are best living somewhere else. My family is not very different, I have a sister that moved out and only one of my siblings keeps in touch. We are not what you would call close, not a little bit.
I dont need to preach the same thing others have said, but you'll be okay. Take things slowly, and be mindful of your actions. Your future is what you make of it. Youve got all of Oppo behind you. Just keep your morals and beliefs above all else.
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tc_corty
> mcseanerson
09/28/2014 at 22:43 |
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Yeah aye that's exactly it.
But then if he moves out who's gonna go the washing, cleaning and cooking. There's been plenty of helpful suggestions but I think he's waiting for the sympathy train to come along.
Manny05x
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
09/29/2014 at 11:58 |
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sorry to hear that i have a very bad relationship with my mother, basically we have not spoke in 3 months. Feels bad because she is my mother and i respect her but at the same time i hate the verbal abuse she puts me through. Calling her a whore was way too much lol.
Kanaric
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/01/2014 at 21:49 |
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My mom acted like this when she was going through menopause and now is normal again. Maybe that is the case here but she sounds absolutely batshit.
CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/02/2014 at 00:45 |
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damn, I hope your problem gets solved soon. You should do what Conan said about the FAFSA loans and escaping with the money. It might be a better choice than being stuck in a highly unhealthy relationship. And it's not a crime to be honest, in fact, it's a lot better letting it out than bottling it in.
Amoore100
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/02/2014 at 03:03 |
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Mmmm...Asian parents? I know how you feel...it's terrible when you never know exactly how they will react...or if their normal reactions will change...
MamaDoc
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/02/2014 at 09:24 |
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You might want to check out Al-Anon. If you're under 21, there's Alateen. It's a great support system and it is FREE. It has people you can call and talk to (real live people not just virtual), who have lots of experience with parents like yours You can share honestly about what is going on, and no one will judge you. That's a pretty rare thing I've found. http://www.miafg.org/ has Michigan meetings.
If you're not in Michigan, you can find a meeting by going to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/